(500) Minutes of a KRRQ Deejay at f.y.e. Spent Listening to Jay-Z, Out of KFC and Watching Everyone Outside Getting K.I.A. and LingOL

“… This is not a zombie story, but it is a story about zombies.”

Ha! My bad, dawg; couldn’t help it, you dig? I always been a real, uh, avid, uh, film buff, you know, and uh, plus I was lookin’ at all those posters an’ shit. Couldn’t help m’self. 


Ahhh…

Damn, we really been here this long? I mean, you could tell, right? We gone through all the first Rap & Hip-Hop bin, artists A-L and we lookin’ at the posters for bout the tenth time an’ I can’t even get a hard-on lookin’ at the one wit the girls pullin’ down they shorts in the back of the truck and says Haul Ass on it. It’s like impossible to be jackin’ it right now. Shih, why ‘m I tellin’ you, though? You know it, bo-oyyyy. Ha, ha.

Aw, shit, just tryin’ to keep my sense o’ humor, you know, uh, in these dark times. That’s some crazy shit though out there though. Rather be in here than out there, that’s f’ damn sure. Seen that movie Dawn o’ the Dead? Oh, I guess the new one, I don’t know, I didn’t know they was a old one. Man, I saw that movie when it came out and I mean, shit, man, the zombie apocalypse ain’t nothin’ like that. I mean, yeah, we be in a mall an’ all but in the movie they get to walk around an’ do all the shit in the diffrent stores, y’know, watch the TVs, eat the food, they even get to use the goddamn shotguns in the stores, you know it? I mean, this mall ain’t even got shotguns. What I was sayin’ earlier was this little store you got here, I mean, it ain’t even got like fuckin’ internet access an’ shit. I know! Huh.


Oh, well, yeah, and this bullshit out there. Shit, truth be told, man, I don’t even know what I be doin’ out there if I had shotguns, you know? Not every black man know how to buss a cap in a motherfucker’s ass. Or, yeah, you right: motherfucker’s head. But yeah, I don’t even own a gun. Oh, shit, boy, yeah you got me. I mean, I don’t even have one, you know? I ain’t ever had one. But like I be sayin’, you know, I ain’t ‘ever done that shit, man. This town ain’t that big, I mean, yeah, it’s big but it ain’t that big, you don’t see that shit ev’rywhere you go. Pssh, man. You know, man, this is some shit we’re in, you know, but...

Yeah, I know. You right, you right, this is… yeah, this fuckin’ sucks. But man, you know… I think it might help if I tell you here and now bout, like, this stuff I been thinkin’ bout lately, and it relates to our situation, a’ight, that shit out there and that whole What Could Have Been shit, you dig? I mean, we stuck here, we got time, trust me, so hear my ass out.

See, thing wit me lately is… well, hold on, ‘k, see, the other day I was goin’ get lunch o’ some shit an’ I’m listening to the radio an’--well, no, what I was gonna say was--I’m not listening to KRRQ at that particular moment in time, ‘k, I’m actually checkin’ out NPR. I mean, hey, I listen to NPR, shit, I pledge to that shit, a’ight? Seriously, so I… you know, they talkin’ bout the economy an’ all that, a’ight, an’ how Obama this an’ Republicans that an’ Charlie motherfuckin’ Sheen an’ “winning” an’ ‘at shit an’ things ain’t as good as they was a long time ago an’… all that. A’ight, so I got to thinkin’, you know… like, aloud… ha, ha, yeah, seriously, it was like a, uh, Cops episode ‘cept wit a black man doin’ the talking. Ha, yeah, that’s right, you right, you right.

Well, you know, I know this is prob’ly pretty relatively unimportant in the big picture, but I sorta taken a look at my life, my choices, you know, what shit brought me here, you know. I used-a think I made a few mistakes, chose the wrong school, the wrong, uh, career steps, that kinda thing. I even so far to say I musta chose the wrong things I wanted-a do wit my life, my goals, my wishes, that shit, you dig? Stuff you can’t actually be blamed for choosing, can’t actually be wrong for choosing, yeah? Now, had I known all that shit wit Poor Tony and Mario was gonna happen a coupla years ago, a’ight, I can’t promise I woulda made the same decisions that got me here. I mean, yeah, I love that whole, you know, and-if-I-hadda-do-it-all-over-again-I-wouldn’t-change-a-single-thing kinda shit, I love it, yeah, you right, you right, but shit, let’s be real.

I mean, ‘xample, fr’instance. I’m pretty much limited, uh, financially as to what I’m able to do wit my life. You know, what’s realistic for my ass. I ain’t rich, my name ain’t Dwyane Wade, ain’t Denzel, shit, boy, it ain’t even Montel. ‘K, so needless to say, my shit’s limited. I don’t make very much bank over at the station. Right now. I’m not whee I wanna be right now--and I know, this is some fucked-up shit to be talkin’ ‘bout right now--an’ all, but we ain’t got much else-a do, an’ we halfway through most o’ the good music, so, trust me, this is goin’ somewhere. They thinkin’ ‘bout closin’ the station, you hear me? Course now I shouldn’t even be worryin’ ‘bout that shit. That shit ain’t the point, though.

Yeah, an’ what I got goin’ on with Brandi. Yeah, Brandi, the one I tell you ‘bout earlier. One spells her name just like--yeah, yeah! Saw that girl on TV just the other day, and I mean, daaaaaaaaaaamn. Ha, ha, yeah. Nah, but seriously though, I was thinkin’, man, if I could somehow keep the station from closin’, keep my job and--hear me now--move up a lil’, say, to say like music director, some shit, ‘k, ‘k, and wait--dig this, brother--keep things goin’ th’ way they is wit Brandi. Boom! If I can keep all that goin’, boy, I be set. An’ really, if I just get Brandi, then this all be good enough for me. After all this shit, all this shit goin’ on out there--fuck! D’you see that shit? Yeah, I saw it, d’you see it? God-damn.

Well, a’ight, but you know what I’m sayin’, right? I mean, I ain’t no wordsmith, boy, I ain’t no Kanye-West-voice-o’-my-generation shit, a’ight.

Shit, put on Cee Lo, I give a shit. Ain’t no one around here gonna tell us “Fuck You” can’t be played here. Huh? You dead motherfuckers care if my boy put on Cee Lo?

Ha, ha, nah, man, I don’t think they mind.

Now where was I wit all that shit again? Ah, ne’er mind. Man, I’m-a try to put up one o’ these posters up in the restroom back here, lil’ quiet time, I be a few minutes, you dig?