The Woods

Loud noises. Throbbing head. Something furry on my chest. And something…sticky? I opened my eyes to find the pug staring right back at me and licking my face. “Ugh, get off me you shit!” I said while taking one hand and throwing him off me. The pug skid down the floor with his paws and let out a whimper. It slowly crawled back to me, eyes wide and wary. I didn’t even give it the time of day, I just got up and walked past it.

I looked around me and found that I had no idea where I was. Only trees surrounded me. This was not good, I hated being lost for two reasons: 1. I had a terrible sense of direction and 2. I felt like a small child who needed his mother’s hand to guide him along. Why the hell was I out here in the first place?

I started looking around me and noticed that I was outside a small house, but there were no other houses nearby. Actually, calling this a house was a mistake, it was more of a cabin. Like one of those places where little kids got touched inappropriately. I wonder if that just happened to me.

I looked at my clothes and instead of finding white stains, I found deep red ones. Suddenly, I remembered what happened to me. The crazy thing who attacked me. The guy who looked like me. And how he bludgeoned me with my own flashlight.

“Howdy,” a voice behind me said. “I take it your wide awake now?” I turned around and saw the guy, but I didn’t reply back to his remark. I just kept my distance in case he decided to pull another whack job on me. “You should probably sit back down, you took quite a blow to the head,” he snickered.

“Yea, that you did! What the hell was that about?” I replied. “Oh, I don’t know, I just figured you’d be less cooperative to follow me if you were still conscious,” he said. Humans are quite a rarity, I wanted to make sure I could, ahem, save you.”

“Who…who are you?” I said warily. “Mother and father call me Pierre, but you can call me Perry. And not that I care, but I take it you have a name?” The so-called Perry said “…It’s Artem,” I said. “Hehe…cute name,” Perry replied. I ignored the comment and asked “Where are we? Why did you bring me here? And what was that thing that attacked me?”

“My, aren’t you antsy. Well, I can’t answer all your questions, but I can tell you that there are more of that thing that attacked you. They’re everywhere. In fact, you and I are probably the only human beings in a 100-mile radius. So that means you should probably stick to me. You know, survival in numbers,” he said while holding a smirk in his face.

Stick with him? I’d rather go shoot my own foot off. Which is coincidently the same thing I would do if I ever got drafted to the army. There was just something that grates about him. Snobbish prick. “Go fuck off, I’m not sticking with you. You just beat me down with a flashlight and you want me to follow you?” I said

“Well, to be fair, I did save your life. You owe me a life debt. And to repay it, you have to follow me wherever I go Arty,” Perry said, in his condescending tone. “What!? I don’t owe you anything,” I exclaimed.

“Oh really? If my memory serves me right, I got you out of a one way ticket to someone’s gullet. And plus, I knocked you out cause you’d have raised such a commotion, you’d have attracted others. So that’s two life debts. Also, you could say you owe me two-and-a-half life debts since I tried to treat your wound. But I’m not a doctor, so the wound stays. I only dampened it with some ripped clothes,” said Perry

Wound? I looked all around my body and then noticed a large red patch on my left arm. It spanned from my forearm to my wrist, glistening in deep crimson even though a make shift patch of clothing was covering it. The wound screamed “Needs to be treated asap”.

“Oh shit…,” I muttered. I wasn’t a genius, but I knew a cut drew in multiple diseases. Rabies could be contracted from a bite. Infections came from open wounds, which contracted into so many diseases. I once saw a documentary on gangrene on tv. I couldn’t eat for the next week.

“Hmm, I’d look into that if I were you,” Perry said. “That creature got a good slashing on you. But I think we’re drawing away from the real point. I saved your life. Twice and a half times. But I’m a generous guy, so I’ll only take one life debt.

“So with that life debt, I want you to follow me. I need a helper to survive through this. And if I’m not mistaken, I’d guess survival is pretty high up on your list too, so this’ll only help you.”

I couldn’t believe my luck. I just got saved by the world’s number one jackass. And to boot, I could start contracting some crazy shit on my arm. God knows what that thing has. What made it worst was that he was right. Being with somebody increased your odds of living. And I liked the idea of being alive and what not.

“Oh,” he interjected, “I presume that pug that you‘ve been oh so nice to is with you? “Well, I call that he gets to be with us. Three’s a party you know.” I had forgotten about the pug till he mentioned it. The pug was just sitting there, panting and staring off into space. Dumb animal. How did it even follow us?

“If we don’t leave soon, I’m gonna have to start calling you stumpy, “Perry laughed. “Let’s go find some help. Preferably someone with experience with medicine. We’re going be total bffs by the time this is over,” Perry chirped. “He just said bffs. Fuck me.

If the moment came, I was going to use Perry as bait for the creatures to bail myself out. He just became my get-out-of-jail free card. I didn‘t have to outrun the things if they came. I just had to run faster than Perry. “Where did you have in mind?” I said.

“Toward Louisiana. I’m not fond of being in Texas,” He replied. “I didn’t question him further on his decision, I just wanted to get out of the woods and find something or someone to treat my arm. It was starting to turn an even brighter red through the jury-rigged patch .

Perry started walking off and I started following. He seemed to know where he was going at least. The pug followed on my heels. Following captain dickhead, we got out of the woods.